Being a big girl...

People always say, be the bigger person, be the adult. Take the high road.

Sometimes I am sick and tired of being the bigger person. I am sick and tired of having to take on more than what I feel I can handle. Sometimes i just want to get down and dirty, make the low blows and not deal with the consequences. And that sometimes is now.

Sadly I was raised knowing that is not acceptable. My conscience won't let me go down that path. I know right from wrong, I know where God stands on the issue and in that knowledge, as hard as it is, I cannot turn my back on Him and do what would feel good for the moment.

Please pray for me as I try to become the person God wants me to be.

Expectaions

Maybe my expectations are too high. Maybe i shouldn't have any and then i wouldn't be let down. Then again, I don't agree with that. I watched a kind of terrible movie a few months ago but the moral was true. We have to have expectations and we are supposed to work on living up to them because if not we ware a lazy society where everything is good enough.

I don't want good enough, I want spectacular.

I need to hope that there is something more and better and that it can be reached. I need to believe that. I need to hope for peace and joy. I need to love more and hold onto less.

I wish it were as easy as it sounds.

You are worth the Wait

Excerpt from Sarah Markley's blog post today.

Remember today that you cost a lot. In fact, you’ve been anticipated. You’ve been expected and asked for. You have been sought after. Christ gave His life for you and it was very costly. It cost Him everything. But it was worth it.

He has waited for you, tip-toed to watch you and paid all that He had for you.

And because He’s done that, He has given you unspeakable value and worth. He will never be bored with the beauty that is you.

You, my friend, are worth waiting for.

On my own, Even less in control over my life.

So I have moved out of my house and landed a full time position at the job I love! God has given me everything i have asked for in spades. I have been blessed with an amazing love and just as amazing friends. We are all moving though different experiences in our life but we are all there to support each other in the good and bad in our lives. I am lokoing at my relationship with God and knowing I need guidance and instead of just shrugging it off I am taking the initiative to do something about it-this is growth.

Life couldn't get any better. Or could it?
I am fighting with my boyfriend's brother and girlfriend and even if i now know that a resolution will not come until they are ready to deal with us and that the lack of a resolution is not my fault- its hard to let go and let God.
Its hard knowing that there is a situation that needs repair and there is nothing i can do about it - that its not my place to even try. Sometimes all we can do is pray.

As simple as that seems as an answer it is the hardest one to act on. It feels like I are doing nothing when really I am doing everything that is important. It sometimes seems like I don't know where to start or what do ask for or thank Him for. Everything seems a little vague. Maybe sometimes all He wants is us to contemplate this in is presence, to sit there and simply adore all that He is and He had done.

I think i jut need some time with him. Uninterrupted, no time lines. I need to learn to listen.