Monday, October 4, 2010
I am a girl who can take care of herself and does. I take pride in what I know how to do and I want to learn what I cannot. I am overly independent and i like it that way.
I do things my way. For example, last night my roommate was cleaning the bathroom and broke our toilet seat. Today at lunch i went a bought a new one, went home, cleaned the toilet, and proceeded to replace the seat all while in a skirt. I know its a simple and any man (and many women) reading this is rolling his eyes because he knows simple such a task is. But it is still a moment of pride for me.
Being independent and not having to call the boyfriend or father to fix something for me makes me happy. I like to fix and tinker but rarely get the opportunity. I love the opportunity to pull out my tools box, which is NOT PINK, and do things for myself. I can do these things on my own.
But then again I did read the instructions.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Sometimes I am sick and tired of being the bigger person. I am sick and tired of having to take on more than what I feel I can handle. Sometimes i just want to get down and dirty, make the low blows and not deal with the consequences. And that sometimes is now.
Sadly I was raised knowing that is not acceptable. My conscience won't let me go down that path. I know right from wrong, I know where God stands on the issue and in that knowledge, as hard as it is, I cannot turn my back on Him and do what would feel good for the moment.
Please pray for me as I try to become the person God wants me to be.
I don't want good enough, I want spectacular.
I need to hope that there is something more and better and that it can be reached. I need to believe that. I need to hope for peace and joy. I need to love more and hold onto less.
I wish it were as easy as it sounds.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Excerpt from Sarah Markley's blog post today.
Remember today that you cost a lot. In fact, you’ve been anticipated. You’ve been expected and asked for. You have been sought after. Christ gave His life for you and it was very costly. It cost Him everything. But it was worth it.
He has waited for you, tip-toed to watch you and paid all that He had for you.
And because He’s done that, He has given you unspeakable value and worth. He will never be bored with the beauty that is you.
You, my friend, are worth waiting for.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Life couldn't get any better. Or could it?
I am fighting with my boyfriend's brother and girlfriend and even if i now know that a resolution will not come until they are ready to deal with us and that the lack of a resolution is not my fault- its hard to let go and let God.
Its hard knowing that there is a situation that needs repair and there is nothing i can do about it - that its not my place to even try. Sometimes all we can do is pray.
As simple as that seems as an answer it is the hardest one to act on. It feels like I are doing nothing when really I am doing everything that is important. It sometimes seems like I don't know where to start or what do ask for or thank Him for. Everything seems a little vague. Maybe sometimes all He wants is us to contemplate this in is presence, to sit there and simply adore all that He is and He had done.
I think i jut need some time with him. Uninterrupted, no time lines. I need to learn to listen.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
These last weeks have made me feel like i an failing at everything, specifically relationships in my life. My boyfriend doesn't feel like he sees me just the two of us enough because sometimes my attention is divided, my friends feel like they never see me unless i am with said boyfriend. A friend is dating a guy i have issues with, and the more I say the less she hears "i love and care about you!" and hears "You aren't doing things my way so its wrong!". Its a balancing act that i am failing at.
I hope I am not a spectacular failure. But more and more i feel like i am just that.
Sarah Markley spoke a few months ago about how she hopes she is not spectacularly failing. I know where she is coming from. I get how she was letting fear run her life. my nature I want to please people but by nature i also want control. Its not an easy personality to deal with and i don't help make it any easier.
I am afraid of losing control and those I love. But I cannot have both.
These last few weeks have taught me a lot and I only know one place to turn for help. I need to step back and put myself second to the Almighty. I need to step back from loved ones and let them make their own decisions and just be there to pick up the pieces i hope and pray never come. I need to pick up my own pieces before i can help anyone else with theirs. And "I told you so"'s can no longer exist.
May God help me and show me the way. I need surrender myself and give up control. God help me.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Well its been a while since i posted anything and that would be because my life has taken a dramatic twist. Okay so its not so dramatic and anyone that knows me will tell you that its was about damn time.
A wonderful, God filled man walked in to my life months ago and took me by surprise. Not exactly who I pictured myself with but it God knows what is best for me-always has, always will
So before Romi went home last night we prayed the rosary and as we were praying I saw the box that has my rosary for Italy in it and I really wanted to show it to him.
This is a rosary that Ash brought me in grade 12 when she went to Italy though school. She is not religious at all but she knew that I was so she found a really pretty blue one in Assisi for me. Its one of my favourite things! Anyways when she gave it to me, I had this idea that since it was blue that at my wedding it would be wrapped in/around my bouquet and would be my something blue at the wedding. (I know I am very funny).
Anyways so I showed him this and told him that this what my plan-the first guy I have ever told this to- and he was like, “that really cool did you know that St. Francis of Assisi is my patron saint?”
The medallion in the rosary is St. Francis of Assisi?!?!?!?! What a God moment!
I think this is adorable and is strangely comforting... God is really
working in/confirming/affirming this relationship and it is a wonderful gift.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
I am smiling right now, sitting in my jammies and just smiling.
The sound of guitar fills my little room and but it fills my heart too. I love the sound, the energy and joy that is coming from the guitarist. Its a beautiful thing to receive a private acoustic show.
Music can say so much more that you can say in words.
Music belongs to my soul. It nourishes it and is a true gift from God. Look at all the Psalms and the Song of Songs. Look at King David who danced and rejoices in song.
Monday, March 1, 2010
You look at yourself differently when you are in something that you feel good in.
This world makes such a big eal out wearing the right thing or hanging the right brands in your closet and I don't like it.
Monday, February 22, 2010
There is however one man that is often overlooked:
In my life my dad s the only man in the house. He helped to raise three girls, somewhat uncharted territory for a man who had 3 brothers and whose sisters were older than he. We were not tomboys and playing house and babies were our forte. But he did it, he loved us, sacrificed, and worked to have a relationship with us.
One of my favourite memories of the 2 of us is last year after i moved away to go to school and they came up for the weekend to visit and to see the football game. I was putting food that my mom brought me (sixth love language... but that is another story) in the freezer and as i was still half in the freezer, my dad came up behind me and gave me this huge hug! That little simple impulsive gesture showed me how much he cared.
I won't say the three of us - especially me - made it super easy on him, we were hard to get along we in our teenage years. Dad and I hardly ever say eye to eye (just ask him about teaching me to drive-SCARY). Even now we have our differences but I know that he loves me still and I love him. Don't get me wrong, he isn't perfect but neither am I, the only perfect one is God, the Father.
As I embark on a new journey in life, I decided today that I needed to gush about my dad. He is a wonderful man of God and has taught me so much in life. Thank you for always being there.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Today I went to the wedding of 2 wonderful friends and the ceremony was beautiful, the bride was radiant and glowing (in the words of her Maid of Honor: "I could tan off of your glow!") The songs choices were so filled and Christ centered. Allyssa was telling Anna and I that Gabe was really active through the whole ceremony! It was a beautiful day. (I am now in love with How Beautiful by Twila Paris-SO GORGEOUS!) It was a small wedding and I was very honored to be invited.
So i met up with friends at the reception and we chit-chatted and kept each other company since we didn't know a lot of the people there. We ate, listened to toasts and watched the couples first dance. It was a wonderful night.
THEN... it came time for the bouquet toss and all of us single ladies got up to try and catch the bouquet. Well when Allyssa throws it, it happens to come in my direction (which is rare) and was a shorter toss so i think i might have a change to catch it.
I reach forward...
and reach a little farther forward...
and fall off of my heels, and right onto the bouquet. Yes I did. I was informed as i got up that it looked like I dove for it but at least it was a graceful fall.
Oh well what can I do, I am me and that is all that I and God can ask of myself.
Love yourself today, in all your embarrassing or nerdy moments and when all is going well in your life. Thank God for those moments too since He is laughing and crying with you too.
Friday, February 12, 2010
This is a new adventure for me, it may be an epic fail or an epic success. Join me?